OK, I am going to seg-way into my second blog on consistency from an unusual angle. Please bear with me.
Yesterday an article which discussed breastfeeding caught my eye on NPR Facebook. I read the article and it sent me to another article, as I mused over my own experience as a breastfeeding mom with four little kids. (Now, please note that this blog (and indeed Classical Writing) is not here to tell you to breastfeed or not breastfeed, rather, it was the attitude towards children and newborns of one author that really caught my attention.)
The woman wrote about sitting in the living room, nursing her third child, surrounded by the other two children and watching resentfully as her husband got to go off to work in the morning. Now before I take off, let me say this: I am not for oppressing mom. I am not for MAKING mom breastfeed or FORCING mom to stay home with her little ones. None of that. We live in a free society, and you and your husband can work out whatever childcare arrangements suit you and he, so long as they are not illegal.
But the scene of the resentful mom ‘stuck’ breastfeeding a newborn while dad gallivants off to work, was alien to me, and I pitied the women for her emotions.
Yes, I remember sitting in that couch with a newborn and three older kids while dad kisses everyone good-bye and zips off to work, and I remember feeling sorry for HIM that he didn’t get to stay home and enjoy the newborn and the kids. I remember treasuring each newborn, treasuring breastfeeding, and musing over the fact that it will be such a short time. I always tried to remind myself to savor every minute of it.
(Mind you — I am not painting a rosy picture here– I had many moments with three dirty diapers at once, two kids pulling each other’s hair, the newborn screaming, the oldest painting the bathroom walls with marker while dog was barfing, the phone was ringing, and there was a delivery at the front door. I am not pretending it’s all rosy and perfect.)
Ok, you are thinking, how can I possibly seg-way this into consistency in writing? 🙂
Well, my last blog was about consistency, about prioritizing that 30 minutes language arts every day, how we need to prioritize it, and how it needs to happen consistently.
Priorities are a product of our values. Let’s start by recognizing that–contrary to the opinions of a few who cannot understand our life choices– we women who homeschool are not oppressed and kept down. Rather, we are privileged to be able to do so. We get to spend time with the little people in our lives whom we love most of all. We have unique opportunities to share our own love of learning with them. It kind of starts with breastfeeding (or bottle feeding if you choose) our infants. We SLOW DOWN, sit down, and savor the moments. And what more important lesson to give the older children than to show them how mom treasures her newborn and chooses to sit. I always thought, in fact, that newborns’ need to feed so frequently and often was a gift to mom, a gift that forced her to slow down and sit and just enjoy the moment, rather than running hither and dither and nigh, stressing herself out just after childbirth. By caring for the baby, we show the older kids, not only our priorities, our (and baby’s) need for quiet and consistent rest, but also give them an opportunity to rally around us with books, questions, or just snuggle time on the couch.
In the same way, when we slow down, pull out the language arts book(s), read the story of the week with our 6 or 8 year old, work on spelling, work on copybook, discuss the story and retell it, we are building a routine, and we are teaching our kids that what we are doing is important… important because THEY are important to us and OF COURSE we want to slow down and spend this time … important because time spent in reading and writing is important … important because the story is important and we want to learn it with them. Carpe Diem.
On occasion I get homeschoolers who ask, how long do I have to spend with my kids doing Classical Writing? Do I have to present the materials to them? Do I have to be in the room? Do I have to be in the house? And well, I don’t want to put guilt trips on busy moms, and I remember those years when I had four kids ages six to newborn (and the newborn was critically ill for many years). I understand that life is busy, but seriously, you need to slow down, you need to prioritize those moments with that kid. Yes, you need to BE THERE!! And you need to be there and not be resentful about it. And you need to be there fully –including mentally. Don’t look wistfully at dad running out the door at 8 am. Treasure the privilege that I get to stay home and work with junior on the story of The Little Red Hen, or Jesus Feeding the Five Thousand, or Andersen’s The Fir Tree.
The elementary years go so fast, as some of us can testify. My oldest is 24 next month and my youngest will be 18 in September. What I treasure most, looking back is that –by the grace of God and the inspiration of older wiser women– for the most part I managed to be patient enough and consistent enough that I have a wonderful relationship with all my kids. We still discuss books, they still text me at odd hours or chat-box me on the Internet, and hardly does a day go by without hearing from them. As I was writing this whole blog, my daughter who is on semester in Greece was chat-boxing me via Facebook (BTW -I don’t do that so well. I am a person who needs to concentrate. I cannot scatter my attention). It is those sessions of math and language arts, those consistent, daily sessions that help build our relationships with our children. Through them we set the mood for learning, the attitudes we have for each other, as well as teach them the basics of how to approach language and math, which paves the way for a life time of learning for them.
Please treasure those moments. Not every mom is able to stay home and enjoy her children that way. Let dad go to work. Be thankful he can provide. And then, ignore the floor and the laundry for as long as it takes, and take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy the process.