Jemima Puddle-duck 11 YO Girl

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Jemima Puddle-duck 11 YO Girl

Postby renetl » Mon Jan 09, 2012 5:06 pm

Here is my daughter's writing project for week 10 Homer A. This is our first complete Writing Project 3 (she only did part of the Peter Rabbit WP). I would love feedback!
Thanks,
Rene

This is the story of Jemima puddle-duck. Jemima puddle-duck lived on a farm where ducks could not lay their own eggs. This annoyed Jemima, so she snuck out to find a dry nesting spot.

Once Jemima had left she saw a wood. Jemima took flight so she could get a better view of the wood. She did not like flying much but she was a beautiful flyer when she had a good start. When she got into the wood, she saw a foxy looking gentleman sitting on the tree stump that she liked. Jemima thought he was mighty civil and handsome. She explained that she was looking for a dry nesting spot; the foxy looking gentleman said that he had a shack full of feathers. You may sit there as long as you need to.

The handsome gentleman led the way to a dismal looking house, “This is my summer residence”, he said. The shack was almost full of feathers so it was very hard to breathe. She made a nice nest that was very comfortable. The handsome gentleman promised to keep the eggs safe and warm. The foxy looking gentleman seemed almost sorry to let Jemima go home.

The next day the foxy looking gentleman asked Jemima to bring some herbs and onions for an omelet; he said that he would provide the eggs. On the way to the market, Jemima met a collie-dog named Kep. She told him her whole story about meeting the foxy looking gentleman and about the eggs and the herbs and onions; he listened with his head cocked.

When Jemima got back to the shack, the foxy gentleman said, “Give me the herbs and the onions then take a look at your eggs. Be quick!” Jemima was startled with how he talked to her. When Jemima went into the shack to look for her eggs, she was surprised to see black noses looking from underneath the door.

A moment afterward she heard a lot of terrible noises coming from underneath the door. Then nothing was ever seen of the foxy looking gentleman every again. The puppies rushed in quickly and gobbled up the eggs before Kep could stop them.
She was escorted home in tears on account of the eggs. Jemima laid more eggs in June and she hatched them herself. But, only four of them hatched.
renetl
 
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Re: Jemima Puddle-duck 11 YO Girl

Postby admin » Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:06 am

Hello,

It looks like a very good writing project. I struggle to think of things to add, but perhaps this ...

Your daughter is typing on the computer, I assume. I would teach her to proof her paper in Word 2010 (or 2007). So basically show her how to do a spelling and grammar check (be sure to go into file>options>proofing and check or uncheck things you do not want WORD to edit). This would begin to help her see where she is lacking a few commas, and such. It would also help her check capitalization like Puddle-duck or puddle-duck or Puddle-Duck... :)

Other than that, well done. Move on to more challenging material for her.

Lene Jaqua
admin
Site Admin
 
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Re: Jemima Puddle-duck 11 YO Girl

Postby renetl » Wed Jan 11, 2012 2:32 pm

Thanks so much for your feedback! I'm seeing great progress through Homer, but I am so afraid I'm missing something.

Peace,
Rene
renetl
 
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Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 6:13 am


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