Boston Tea Party - 12 year old girl

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Boston Tea Party - 12 year old girl

Postby HFSchool » Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:11 am

This is my daughter's WP from Week 10 of Older Beginners. Feedback would be appreciated.

The Boston Tea Party was as diverse a tea party as one could imagine. In the year 1773, the English had burdened the Americans with taxes - taxes on all their imports, tea included. When the Loyalists sensed that the colonists were becoming restless about the due, they quickly removed all taxes for fear of a revolt, excepting the favored beverage. “For,” spake the English, “we must hold fast our authority over those Americans, so that they remember we are their superiors.”

This action did not calm the hotheaded colonists one bit, however! All of them stated that if Parliament thought they would willingly subject to taxation without representation, they thought wrong! The colonizers knew that this was not a money matter, but rather of liberty.

Later on at a vibrant meeting of the American settlers, all present agreed that the next British import of tea would not, could not deliver one chest of the drink. Where, may you ask, was this tea to be unloaded next? Boston Harbor.

As the tea-laden brig wafted into the harbor that same night, its crew assumed that that night would be as usual as any, and prepared her for landing. But lo and behold, that night would bring an unusual surprise for the British sailors! Right on cue, Indians poured out onto the deck of that ship, whooping with as much energy and excitement as one could wish for. Everywhere, Indians, grinning at startled Englishmen, were thundering down into the hold to bring out the offensive tea. Aieeeee! they screamed and shrieked, and hurled crates of tealeaves overboard into the murky depths. They did not slacken their pace until all three hundred forty-two chests had been disposed of. Then did the Indians reveal their true identities; Bostonians!

Trooping home, the tired but gleeful “Indians” happened to pass by a certain man’s abode, Admiral Montague, who had been involved on the English side of the affair. Upon spotting the disguised Americans, he forthwith stuck his head out of his window and disrupted their merrymaking, calling, “Alright, lads, you’ve had your entertainment, so how about you pay the fiddler now?” To which an “Indian” leader coolly replied, “Sure! If ye emerge this instant, we’ll promptly agree on a bill.” Disconcerted, the challenger hastily drew back into his window, realizing that there was no way that colonist would reimburse him for their deed without beating him up.

By their actions on Dec. 16, 1773, the courageous Americans had undauntedly shown the Brits what they were made of. It would have been better for the English if they had remembered the courage of the Americans.
HFSchool
 
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Re: Boston Tea Party - 12 year old girl

Postby admin » Sun Jan 08, 2012 7:59 pm

This is well written and I am sure she could write just about anything you asked her to write on.

What I would caution with a very good writer like this, is that you define an audience and ask her to write consistently for that audience. The piece she wrote comes across a little bit ostentatious, which is fine, she has command of the words and the phrases and she wants to show that, but ask her to write it to a 2nd grade audience. Then ask her to write it for a college professor who likes concision. Hone her skills to suit the occasion, would be my advice with where she is at, and hold her to the task, so that for the college professor, adverbs and too much opinion would have to go. For the 2nd graders, the language must be simple and inviting.

Thanks for sharing,
Lene Jaqua
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Re: Boston Tea Party - 12 year old girl

Postby HFSchool » Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:42 am

Hi, Lena
Thinking of the audience is a great extension and important skill that she can develop. Wow! So many synonyms, so many considerations! She's had fun building and molding with words and sentences, but if this were an article for a 1773 British newspaper, it might not be very well received :shock:

For these assignments, should she tune into the audience the model's author was addressing (in this case, middle elementary children) in her retelling?

Much to think about! Thanks!
Vonnie
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Re: Boston Tea Party - 12 year old girl

Postby admin » Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:53 pm

You define the rhetorical situation (occasion, audience, and tone) before she starts writing. Could be an editorial to a newspaper, could be retelling this to someone who won't understand the original. Could be taking the original and making it more sophisticated. Your choice.
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